Best Funny Sites on Web

laugh.com
some of the funny best audio clips on the web
Funny Prizes
Steven Wright
The Stupid Page
Silly cards (Adult)

Humor
The Onion
The Mike Rosoff Show
The Toxic Custard Workshops
Causes of deaths of philosophers
Wild Cards
The Humor Bomb (Adult)
Stupid People Page
Naughty Cartoons (Adult)

Know of a hilarious site? Tell us about it so we can all laugh together.

Get a quick giggle by clicking on one of the following: Senility Prayer Learning Center Home Remedies & Health Corner Religions Animal Corner Query-Art Lost & Found Computer Corner Sex Corner Fashion Corner Sports Corner Jokes Corner Important Facts Asses Special Broadcast Mushrooms
I rear ended a car this morning. I knew it was going to be a really bad day! The driver got out of the other car and I looked down and realized he was a dwarf!!! He looked up at me and said "I'M NOT HAPPY!" So I said, "Well then, which one are you?" And that's how the fight started. I LOVE to smile and laugh and I find humor in many things; maybe in a warped way sometimes but....oh well. That is what this page is all about! I will share with you anything that tickles my funny bone. It could be just about anything including a picture, story (fact or fiction), or a joke. Some of you will say Oh, more jokes! Paleese! Well, I get a lot of them in email too and confess that I never read some of them but some do crack me up and when something makes me laugh out loud, I like to share that laugh with friends. So, sit back and watch what I share with you on this site. And of course, I must state the obvious: None of the material on this page is meant to humiliate or put down any race, creed, color, or sex. Does this cover all species? So, if you think I have gone overboard, sorry. Remember: Life is a journey...not a destination. Enjoy the trip!
Senility Prayer Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. TOP OF PAGE
Learning Center WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, April 1, 2007 . DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM. Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours. Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10: 00 PM for 2 hours. Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor --- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks. Class 5 After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM Class 6 Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM Class 7 Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum . Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours. Class 8 Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM - Location to be determined. Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon , 2 hours. Class 11 Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing . Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM . Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 14 The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined. Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors. TOP OF PAGE
Home Remedies for 2007 1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself. 2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop. 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer. 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough. 7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. 8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS. TOP OF PAGE
Health Corner OB/GYN Visit This is a laugh for the women out there who so look forward to that wonderful time once a year when they have to be "intimate" with their OB/GYN! In Sydney, Australia, one of the radio stations pays ($1000-$5000) for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. This one netted the winner $5000.... "I was due later in the week for an appointment with the gynecologist. Early one morning I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30 a.m. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 a.m. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in "that area" to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" but I didn't respond. When the appointment was over, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal,some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school when my six-year-old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mum, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it". TOP OF PAGE
9 World Religions Simplified! Taoism - Sh*t Happens! Confucianism - Confucius say “Sh*t Happens.” Buddhism - If Sh*t Happens, it isn’t really Sh*t. Zen - What is the sound of Sh*t Happening? Hinduism - This Sh*t Happened before. Islam - If Sh*t Happens, it is the will of Allah. Protestantism - Let Sh*t Happen to someone else. Catholicism - If Sh*t Happens, you deserved it. Judaism - Why does Sh*t always Happen to us? TOP OF PAGE
Someone tell her it's only a mushroom! TOP OF PAGE
Animal Corner Anger Management Sometimes when you are angry with someone, it helps to sit down and think about the problem. The Cat Letter To My Dear Friend the Dog: I am so sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which you did not break; the fish you did not spill; and the carpet that you did not wet; or the wall that you did not dirty with red paint... Things here at the house are calmer now, and just to show you that I have no hard feelings towards you, I am sending you a picture, so you will always remember me. Best regards, The Cat Letter To My Pets The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years-canine or feline attendance is not mandatory. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough! Yes, we both agree this is a great place to catch flies, however I'd like to point out a small flaw in your plan! TO: GOD / FROM: THE DOG Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story? Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"? Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog? Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand? Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please. Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize? Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog. 1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up. 2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell. 3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty. 4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. 5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps. 6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration. 9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. 10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "Hello". 11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table. 12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after. 13. I will not throw up in the car 14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt. 15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company. 16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. And, finally, my last two questions . . Dear God: Why do humans only have 10 Commandments and dogs have 16? P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back? TOP OF PAGE
Warning! Lock Your Doors! WARNING!!! Be sure you lock your doors and windows at home! A New Jersey man was found dead in his home over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his bathtub. The tub had been filled with milk, sugar, and cornflakes. A banana was sticking out of his ass. Police suspect a cereal killer TOP OF PAGE
TOP OF PAGE
Query How about this piece of art entitled "Moon River"! TOP OF PAGE
Important Facts If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. TOP OF PAGE
Lost and Found TOP OF PAGE
Computer Corner TOP OF PAGE
Sex Corner Damn! They got us fooled! We're inside the ass! TOP OF PAGE
	Never accept candy from a stranger! Dontcha' wish your boyfriend was hot like me! Wonder Woman What not to wear at church Retired Hooters Oh My! Latest Japanese craze - Nipple Scarves Budweiser frogs! Priceless! Lord Have Mercy! Is it on backwards?! LOL! I said I think you got your bathing suit on backwards My legs just never seem to tan. Eight glasses a day does wonders for the body! You go Grandpa! Who let the dogs out?! TOP OF PAGE
A Word from Our Sponsors
So your hands don't smell like ass!
Speaking of asses.... TOP OF PAGE
	TOP OF PAGE
	The Beaver and the Old Man A 95-year old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have a 22-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think of that?" Thoughtfully, the doctor replied, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day he was in a hurry and picked up his umbrella instead of his gun by mistake. When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver. He raised his umbrella and went "bang, bang, bang", and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?" The 90-year old said, "I'd say somebody else shot the beaver." The doctor said, "My point exactly". THE POTATO GARDEN An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over; you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad A few days later he received a letter from his son: Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES. Love, Fred At 4 am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son: Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred -------------------------------------------------------------- 2 BONUS GIGGLES: THE CHIX OR THE EGG Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed. "What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he asked. "This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven." "WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately." "It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is your own." Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. "I want to return as a hen," Tom replied. And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster. "Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?" "Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my butt is about to explode." "Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg." "How do I do that?" Tom asked. "Cluck twice, and then you push all you can." Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop' an egg was on the ground. "Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout: "Tom, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You're crappin' all over the place! -------------------------------------------------------------- MAKIN' LOVE The Italian says,"When I've a finished a makina da love withah my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6 inches above a da bed in ecstacy." The Frenchman replies."Zat is noting, when Ah've finished making ze love with ze wife, Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick za soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy." The Redneck says, "That aint nothin' buddy. When I've finished porkin'the ole lady, I git out of bed, walk over to the winder and wipe my weener on the curtains. She hits the freakin' ceiling." TOP OF PAGE

Mirth is like a flash of lightning, that breaks through a gloom of clouds, and glitters for a moment; cheerfulness keeps up a kind of daylight in the mind, and fills it with a steady and perpetual serenity.
Joseph Addison (1672-1719), English essayist. Spectator, no. 381 (London, 17 May 1712).

TOP OF PAGE

Changing LINKS

2007 Copyright © by WebGoddess1 Designs ; 10/02/2007
Send mail to webgoddess1 with questions or comments about this website.

View My Guestbook
Sign My Guestbook

How a blond prints a Word document

Office Supplies